Madame Bovary

The Classics Slacker is proud to offer Madame Bovary as its second selection of the series. Written by French novelist Gustave Flaubert and published in 1857, Madame Bovary landed the author in a whole mess o' trouble. Pourquoi? Because the eponymous character attempts to spice up her dull provincial life and marriage with a couple of rendezvouses, which The Classics Slacker can tell you aren't all that titillating.

But the French! Wow, did they ever get bent out of shape when the book came out. Excusez-moi! They were quelle horreuring and sacre bleuing all over the place while at the same time you know they were lapping it up like kittens at a dairy farm.

Anyway, Flaubert escaped jail time only by swearing to tone down the pas de deuxing in his future works. Violating parole would result in a big fine and no cheese for life. Flaubert was as good as his word and subsequently wrote only about subjects such as ancient Carthage. Note: Under no circumstances will The Classics Slacker be coming out with The Classics Slacker Reads A History of Ancient Carthage.

For it is Madame Bovary that will be forever known as Flaubert's masterpiece, considered in the literary canon as the world's first "realistic" novel. Flaubert achieved this feat by focusing obsessively on details ranging from items of clothing to objects in nature, types of food, and styles of hair, sometimes using as many as twenty-five adjectives to describe a dress. No wonder it took him five years to write Madame Bovary. If he had reined himself in--using one-word descriptors such as red, yellow, blue--he could've finished his novel in six weeks or less.

Boring details, tepid sex scenes. Why, you may ask, read on? Because literature has much to teach. For example, Madame Bovary answers this question: If one man makes you miserable, what will three do?

Let's find out together, shall we?